conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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