the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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