you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
