I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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