I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
