He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
