Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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