My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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