So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't turn off my feet"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
