i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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