If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
