Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
