she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
