honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
