They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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