I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
