Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I deserve this hangover.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
