So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
