i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
