i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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