Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
