i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
