Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
