i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
