i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
