I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
