I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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