I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
