I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
