anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
