Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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