Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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