i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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