let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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