My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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