Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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