hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize