I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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