I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
