So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
