Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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