I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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