I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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