i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.