There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means