Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
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I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.