Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

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  (250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14
  Replies (8) Good night (2423) Bad night (745)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.

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  (321): I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud. http://tfl.nu/bqn8
  Replies (60) Good night (2175) Bad night (1104)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.

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  (724): You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake. http://tfl.nu/kf3k
  Replies (22) Good night (5542) Bad night (717)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.

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  (815): It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0rl
  Replies (20) Good night (8367) Bad night (1076)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?

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  (508): He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig? http://tfl.nu/6st9
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (2783)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?

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  (802): Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin? http://tfl.nu/zb3y
  Replies (20) Good night (3059) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to

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  (502): They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut. (808): oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to http://tfl.nu/7uxf
  Replies (7) Good night (3194) Bad night (721)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life

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  (425): I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life http://tfl.nu/15hg
  Replies (15) Good night (1537) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You fucked her?! HER?!

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.

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  (205): You fucked her?! HER?! (1-205): She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir. http://tfl.nu/jld9
  Replies (6) Good night (3647) Bad night (670)
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  (949): View more from California

  I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.

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  (949): I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled. http://tfl.nu/99xj
  Replies (5) Good night (1499) Bad night (1046)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.

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  (325): It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch. http://tfl.nu/t9k5
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (1158)
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  (358): View more from

  I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.

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  (358): I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack. http://tfl.nu/ybt1
  Replies (8) Good night (577) Bad night (1267)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?

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  (202): What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom? http://tfl.nu/x7t2
  Replies (9) Good night (895) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home

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  (860): Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home http://tfl.nu/znwv
  Replies (1) Good night (684) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other

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  (803): I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other http://tfl.nu/gz8l
  Replies (5) Good night (640) Bad night (298)

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