If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
