i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
