he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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