I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
