I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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