His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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