thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
