is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
