just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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