he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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