party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
