She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
