She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
