I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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