have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
