i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
