I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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