this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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