THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
