one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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