Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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