they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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