I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
