I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
