I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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