so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
