i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
