I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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