in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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