Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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