Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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