I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
