Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
