I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
