He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How does one acquire holy water?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
