States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
